Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
