Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
