bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
