moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
