Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
