ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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