I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
