there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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