i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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