If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
