Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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