Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
