Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
