I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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