the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
