just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
