Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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