Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
