Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
