Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
