dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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