he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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