they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
