Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
