Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
