the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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