anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
