why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
