all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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