How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
