Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
