just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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