I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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