I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
