I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
