I hate your face
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what day is it and did you see me today?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sarcasm needs its own font
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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