I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
worst night to have a conscience
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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