I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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