You're so nebulous sometimes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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