I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
