The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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