when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
