Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
