I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
