she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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