dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
