My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
