16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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