I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
