I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
