I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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