what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
