with your own penis?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
