he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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